


Shelves

by roasthoney



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 15:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roasthoney/pseuds/roasthoney
Summary: Jinyoung likes order. Jaebum disrupts that order by moving out.He's just himself. Everyone else adjusts to it in their own way, the same way Jinyoung adjusts to them. Yugyeom learns how to push without going too far and when to interpret Jinyoung's sharp gaze as a joke rather than true disdain. Bambam is similar — a brat, truly, but beneath all the luxury he's genuine and drops all the theatrics when it's just them two. Jackson figures out that if he tells enough jokes Jinyoung will laugh, even if he doesn't want to, and that's the Jinyoung that he gets used to. Youngjae is so bright Jinyoung's only reflex is to be bright in return. Mark knows he can be quiet and Jinyoung will bask in their bits of soft affection. It's part of why they live so well together.And Jaebum, well. Jinyoung thought they lived well together. The announcement from Jaebum is sudden."I'm moving out."





	Shelves

**Author's Note:**

> Arabic translation by Jinnij at [Wattpad!](https://my.w.tt/9Wi7TDTtFV)

Jinyoung likes order. He tells himself it's because it fits neatly into the basket that contains his personality. Reserved, responsible, gentle, and orderly. Nevermind his flaws and all the rest because thinking too much about that tends to make him spiral. He likes order, but it doesn't translate literally — his room sometimes gets messy, his books aren't perfectly alphabetized, and he isn't about to go wiping dust off wayward bookshelves. It's more like he likes to have lines clearly drawn, relationships mapped out, people with sure and solid roles either in and out of his life. 

Jaebum falls into the inner circle. Of course he has to — they've known each other for years now and Jinyoung is sure he's spent more time in his presence than he has with any of his childhood friends from Jinhae. The relationships between them are different. Jaebum isn't his childhood friend, he's his groupmate. But more than simply someone he has a working arrangement with. He isn't about to collect his check and go home at the end of the day, forget about him and the rest of the group as if all the talk about family meant nothing. Jinyoung likes to call himself heartless but they all know it's a front — crossed arms and judgmental looks because he doesn't know how to be cute and bratty like Yugyeom or open and lively like Jackson. 

He's just himself. Everyone else adjusts to it in their own way, the same way Jinyoung adjusts to them. Yugyeom learns how to push without going too far and when to interpret Jinyoung's sharp gaze as a joke rather than true disdain. Bambam is similar — a brat, truly, but beneath all the luxury he's genuine and drops all the theatrics when it's just them two. Jackson figures out that if he tells enough jokes Jinyoung will laugh, even if he doesn't want to, and that's the Jinyoung that he gets used to. Youngjae is so bright Jinyoung's only reflex is to be bright in return. Mark knows he can be quiet and Jinyoung will bask in their bits of soft affection. It's part of why they live so well together. 

And Jaebum, well. Jinyoung thought they lived well together. The announcement from Jaebum is sudden. 

"I'm moving out." 

Jinyoung, in a sense, sees it coming from how they've called a house meeting. Just him, Jaebum, Mark, and Yugyeom left. Yugyeom goes out often to visit Bambam and Mark stays in his room all day playing videogames — so sometimes it feels more like him and Jaebum, living in the same place for the past how many years. Since the very beginning.

Jinyoung things about all the things they share. The cutlery set from the early days, or the hot water boiler they split the cost of so they could get one of the fancier dispenser types. He'll have to return Jaebum's spare speakers and one of his sweaters (from 3 years ago, Jinyoung is sure Jaebum's forgotten but he hasn't). They'll have to arrange for his name to be taken off the lease. 

He doesn't realize the room is quiet and eyes are on him until his thoughts snap back to the present. Of course, Mark and Yugyeom assume that Jinyoung will have something to say first. If anyone has something to say — it'd be him. 

There's a reason he's interested in acting. It's not only an art, but something defensive. Practical, really. Anyone could use some acting skills in their everyday life.

"Will you take the bookcase?" Jinyoung asks. Simple, calm, without any of the outward pettiness that would color this as joke or tease. It almost feels like a ridiculous question because in the wake of all their years living together, this is what he asks. 

It's all Jinyoung thinks to ask. It's all he needs to know. Jaebum didn't ask him anything. It was a statement, simple, declarative. He's leaving and Jinyoung will have to draw new lines and update his definitions. Jaebum will live separately now. Maybe he'll have friends over, _guests_ over. Jinyoung hopes he's smart enough not to get caught, then catches himself from saying such a patronizing thing. 

"Nah, I owe you right? You can have it. I'll get myself a new one." 

Jaebum's face is unreadable. Another observation to file in his folder of new, unfamiliar, things about Jaebum. Jinyoung blinks, looks at Mark and Yugyeom in silent prompting for them to speak next, and is met with silence. Not uncomfortable, but not open either. Everything _should_ be fine.

"Well, that's all the questions I have. Are we done?" 

_Are you breaking up with me, Im Jaebum?_ the ridiculous drama like line floats into Jinyoung's head and he has to snuff it out. There's no reason to compare this to some kind of relationship. Jaebum isn't leaving the group or anything like that. He just wants his own place. It's natural. 

Jaebum shifts; he's sitting cross-legged on the hardwood floor, no wonder he's uncomfortable, Jinyoung assumes. "Yeah, I think so," he says and if Jinyoung were paying attention he'd catch the underlying hint of soft uncertainty. But Jinyoung isn't. He claps instead in hopes that the sound will startle them all into action. "Meeting adjourned then," he says with a touch too much cheer to be genuine. Mark and Yugyeom exchange looks but Jinyoung's already getting up from the couch and heading back to his room. It's natural, these things are natural. It was only a matter of time. 

"Ah — congratulations, hyung," Jinyoung adds before closing the door as if he forgot to earlier. He doesn't catch the expression on anyone's faces. He doesn't really try to.

\---

"Do you think anyone would buy this, hyung?"

Mark finds Jinyoung standing in front of the bookcase one night looking at it in detached evaluation. His eyes are calculating, devising, deciding. Figuring out a plan. Then Jinyoung springs this question on Mark and he's not sure what to say.

"Uh — sure? It's in pretty good shape. Except for that part." Mark points to the edge on one side where it's scuffed up from that one time Yugyeom was moving a nighttable and scraped it without looking. Jinyoung wanted to murder him at the time, and he's not sure why it mattered so much. Instead he chuckles.

"Of course, I forgot about that. Leave it to Yugyeom to destroy all of our furniture." 

Mark doesn't laugh with him. He asks, "are you thinking about selling it?"

Jinyoung, in his pajamas with his wet hair, looks younger than usual. That's what all the crisp shirts and chinos are for, the hours spent in the gym, the proper hairstyles and the stern face he makes when the camera's trained on him. He doesn't like feeling young, doesn't like to feel like he's Jr in JJ Project again instead of Park Jinyoung in GOT7 — whatever that means. 

At the same time, he misses it.

"Yeah. Maybe I'll give it away instead. I don't want to move my books around." 

There's an order to it. Or at least, there was. Jinyoung on the left, Jaebum on the right. 

Now it's all messed up.

\---

Sometimes Jinyoung swears he feels something furry brush by his ankles and he's a second away from looking down and going _Nora_ (Jinyoung is her favorite outside of Jaebum, always gravitating to him, and it took a while for her to warm up but it was worth it) but then he catches himself and remembers Nora's gone.

Well, good riddance. This way he won't have to lintroll cat fur off the couch and she'll have a bigger place to jump around in and play with all her cat friends. It's better for her this way — better for them both. 

Before when they'd come home he'd always hear someone's paws scratching at the inside of Jaebum's door. Jinyoung liked to walk in first for that reason so he could hear the sound of it, then hear Jaebum coo and laugh once he stepped into the house behind Jinyoung and opened his bedroom door. When Jaebum wasn't home it was nice too, an odd kind of _welcome home_ to replace Jaebum's voice. Maybe he'd see him lazing on the couch in his old grandpa pose as usual, or making instant noodles late at night in the kitchen and Jinyoung would chide him with a click of his tongue but end up stealing a bite anyways. 

Maybe he's starting to hallucinate. 

Yes, that must be it.

\---

In the middle of the night on some meaningless day Jinyoung goes through all of his things and picks out all the ones that are technically Jaebum's. He packs it into a box and tapes up the top so he doesn't get tempted to start rethinking and stealing things back. It ends up being a sizable pair of books, the cursed sweater he forgot to give back last time because he told himself he'd wash it first (it's the polite thing to do), a t-shirt that looks too big to be his own so it must be Jaebum's, some dusty cat toys he found under his bed, and unlabeled rolls of film he thinks are Jaebum's because he doesn't recognize them. At the last second he adds a coffee mug they bought together because it doesn't match the rest of the ones in the cupboard, really, and one of the Lullaby win trophies because Jaebum gave his to the company and there are plenty on the bookshelf that Jinyoung can look at instead.

He wraps it all up and shows up at Jaebum's place the next day. See the thing is, they've all been too busy to come over for a proper housewarming. Last time Jaebum invited them over Jinyoung had plans already and he couldn't cancel them, or didn't really want to. 

So this place looks foreign to him. 

Jinyoung could call or text, but he presses on the intercom instead. It rings for so long Jinyoung has half a mind to give up and leave but then a voice cuts through the static. 

"Jinyoung?" 

Ah, there must be a video camera system in place. Jinyoung looks up and scans until he spots the innocuous lens and nods. With a big cardbord box in his arms he can't exactly wave. Jinyoung, not Jinyoung _ie_ he can't help but note. During times like these he wishes his brain was too fast-moving to catch details like that. Less meticulous about the things that shouldn't matter. Less petty, maybe. 

Except Jaebum doesn't buzz him in. The line cuts off and Jinyoung stands there for a moment wondering if that's his way of saying no, not allowed. Come back another time. Not like we used to practically sleep in the same room or something. 

Irritated, Jinyoung turns to leave but the sudden clatter of the door opening and the gate swinging open interrupts. Jaebum, out of breath, looks at him with wide eyes. 

"Didn't want to make you open all the doors," he explains, and something about the way his breath hitches makes it hard for Jinyoung to breathe too. 

"Thanks hyung, that's considerate of you," and Jinyoung doesn't have the heart to protest too hard when Jaebum takes the box from him, even though it's extremely impractical because now Jinyoung has to punch in the door code and he doesn't know why but it feels notable that Jaebum tells it to him without a second of hesitation. 

"So. What's this?" Jaebum asks as he sets it down on a low coffee table. The place is sparse, minimalist, chic but mostly comfortable, as expected from Jaebum. Jinyoung can't help the way his hungry gaze roams around and eats in every single detail. These are the things missing from the apartment now. Maybe if he takes count of each one and files it away he'll feel better in the end. 

"Your stuff." 

Jinyoung is so busy looking around, then entertaining Nora as she slinks out of hiding and paws at his ankles, that he misses Jaebum's face as he cuts the tape and looks inside. The pause from him is so long Jinyoung eventually notices and looks his way. 

"Isn't it? I'm fairly sure those things are yours. You should have it, since you don't live there anymore they shouldn't be there —"

" — Jinyoungie," Jaebum interjects, voice so soft. "These things are years old. You remembered each one?" 

Hold on, that's not what Jinyoung expected to come out of this. Jinyoung stiffens. For some reason he feels embarrassed as if this box is full of secrets and not books and mugs. 

"Yes, I remember. It's not that hard. Like a library, you should remember the books you borrow." 

Jaebum looks at him and Jinyoung has to look away. It feels odd without Mark and Yugyeom around. Not even in their bedrooms as a subtle reminder in the background that they're not alone, like some machine humming white noise to fill in the gaps. Here, they're alone. Truly, completely, alone. In the JJ Project days it felt charged with something Jinyoung didn't recognize, assumed it was their personalities clashing, then more people moved in and it stayed that way until, well, now. 

It's still charged. 

Jaebum speaks slowly as if he's choosing each word with care. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not," Jinyoung answers a beat too fast. He's not — he swears. Jaebum has every right to move out and Jinyoung is happy for him in the end, the same way he's happy for Jackson, Youngjae, and Bambam. It's nice to have an apartment by yourself like how normal adults in their young 20s would have, Jinyoung assumes. 

Jaebum doesn't push the topic. Instead, he rises from the couch and beckons Jinyoung to follow him. They end up in front of a bookcase. A black one with square sets the same as their old one but much smaller and with stacks piled up against the sides. "I got one that's too small. Too much stuff, also. The one from home would've been perfect." 

Jinyoung raises an eyebrow at the word choice, _home_ , but Jaebum misses it. He's looking at the spines instead, skimming each one with his fingertips so gentle it makes Jinyoung shiver. Must be the air conditioning. 

"Think some of these might be yours too. Wanna pick them out?" 

"Hyung, that's too much trouble. You can keep them, I can get new copies if I want to read them again."

"You brought all of these back for me. Come on."

Jaebum's right. Jinyoung's dug himself into this hole and now he has to climb his way out. Fine, he steps forward and starts to read each title. If he's going to do this, he's going to do it right.

Absorbed as he is he doesn't notice Jaebum step behind him. Not until their bodies are brushing and Jinyoung can feel Jaebum's breath at his ear. It's quiet. That damned charged feeling back again to haunt him and Jinyoung knows now that it isn't puberty anymore. It's something else — something terrifying, something powerful enough to keep him in place.

"Jinyoungie."

Jinyoung shivers. Like a warm rain showering over his skin. His eyes rake over the same title again and again without reading any of the words. 

"Hyung." 

That low drop in his voice is something new. Or is it something old, just inaudible amidst all the noise in their old dorm. 

There is a pause because Jaebum knows this is dangerous, he knows how much of a bad idea this is. He doesn't know what to call this or what he's doing, but the words fill his mouth anyway. 

"I missed you." Punched out of Jaebum's chest like a gust of wind. 

_Oh_ , Jinyoung thinks. This is what he wanted to say last time. _I'll miss you_ , not some nonsense about the bookshelf.

Throat hoarse, a part of Jinyoung's brain hopes it isn't too late to say it now. 

"I," he starts, but stops because this is spiraling out of his control and he doesn't know what Jaebum means to him anymore. Too little, or too much, so much it's overwhelming to think about. Jinyoung moves as if to leave but Jaebum turns him around, pins him with his gaze alone. A moment of his confident, forceful, front before he's deflating back into the Jaebum that Jinyoung knows. Beseeching with a look in his eyes that makes it actually hard for him to breathe. And he's so close — his face only inches from his, lips pink and wet, his eyes, those eyes, only on him. 

"Please," Jaebum puffs, and Jinyoung knows how much it means considering his pride. 

"I missed you too," Jinyoung admits like some hushed secret in a confessional. It's obvious he should miss him. But this kind of missing — it's something different. It's Jinyoung leaning closer and Jaebum staring at his mouth as if it's the most gorgeous thing he's ever seen. It's his heart pounding and his own pride melting away. _So stubborn,_ he swears he hears Jaebum whisper but it doesn't matter. 

He kisses him. Warm, sweet, nervous yet familiar like coming home. 

Jaebum asks him to stay, and he does.

Jaebum admits later that night with his face buried in Jinyoung's neck that he bought a King sized bed with the hope that someone would occupy the other side, and Jinyoung knows enough about double meanings and soft suggestions hidden behind vague comments to understand what it means. 

Jinyoung suggests moving the bookcase from home to here, considering how empty it is back home, and Jaebum is kind enough to hold him tight and accept the tang bitterness off Jinyoung's tongue. He kisses it away until it turns sweet. He kisses it away until it feels right again. 

Maybe it's possible to have two homes, Jinyoung thinks. There's a certain order in that too. 

One there and one here, body tangled up with Jaebum's. Skin bare and the rest of the world so quiet Jinyoung can hear his heart for once. 

Jaebum doesn't need a role, really. Jaebum is Jaebum and Jinyoung is Jinyoung. Home is where Mark and Yugyeom are. Home is here, too, Jaebum humming a love song Jinyoung doesn't recognize as he combs his fingers through the lingering strands of Jaebum's mullet.

It might just work out.


End file.
